Tuning the Instrument: Learning to Stop Leaning on My Own Understanding
Back in 2022, I posted my last podcast for the time being before I took a short break to prepare for my 12th-grade board exams. I told myself I would jump back on the wagon later in 2023. The last post titled, "The Sermon On The Mount Series: Asking, Seeking, Knocking", was published in 2021. There is a draft of the sequel post, "The Sermon On The Mount Series: The Narrow Way", started in 2022 with only the words "This post..."
In the second quarter of 2023, while I was giving my university interview for a Christian institution for my psychology program, my work with the LORD and The True Word was my crown jewel. A blessing, indeed. The interviewer also mentioned that it is nice to see a youth spiritually inclined in a secular/agnostic generation. That only boosted my passion to continue my work.
I could use the phrase, "then life happened". But that would be dishonest on my end. My work with The True Word shifted from being a mission and service to well... work. I kept running out of content, found myself in instances of plagiarism, and forced myself to produce content from my own inspiration, rather than from the true and living Word of God. Ultimately, I shifted my mindset to the notion that my time with this "project" had come to an end. The True Word never crossed my mind, except when it followed by guilt. I did not know what to do. The social circle, spiritual or not, did not make this time easier for me. Hence, I continued to give up and just solely rely on the grace of God for my day-to-day survival.
Now, in this moment, I want to start serving God. While I wasn't serving conventionally, I continued to worship the LORD through my work. That, by God's grace, has led me to reap sweet fruits. That really would make one believe that God never stops working in one's life. It is now fair for me to say that this was the point when life happened. The scripture that lifted me up, while I was at the peak burnout, rut, and fatigue of all the things I was doing, was Proverbs 3:5-6 [NIV]:
Amidst all the blessings in disguise, spiritual warfare, and day-to-day labour and leisure, though I was deeply in love with God, I was still leaning on my own understanding.
Now, in mid to late 2025, I started working on aligning my trust and redefining my understanding from the ground up with what the Lord wanted to teach me. I was relearning my faith and discovering the parts of my relationship with God that I had never really explored. It was more like God is working in so many dimensions that it is incomprehensible to truly know about the depths of your relationship with God, let alone completely understand Him in our little life on earth. That is why I believe God has prepared an eternity for us to experience Him and our relationship with Him.
I saw this one Instagram reel, where a woman questioned, "LORD, I am running short of words to praise you now. However, will I worship You for all eternity?" And at that moment, our dear Father revealed to her that, "Every day till eternity, I will reveal one thing to you about Me, and you will worship Me for that." That reel really touched my heart and reinforced my love for my Father, and my desire to continue understanding Him and my relationship with Him.
These three years of dormancy, I believe, were important because they completely redefined my ministry with The True Word. The name for this ministry was inspired by the LORD back when AI was not even a concept. The True Word was conceived in my naive, newly reborn mind as a place where I could share and discuss God and the Bible. These three years were when the Holy Spirit was actively working in my life, and now the true meaning of The True Word is revealed. The True Word, yes, is about the Bible and the living nature of the scripture. Moreover, The True Word also stands for the true understanding that God provides to His children. This would include understanding about ourselves, our mortal lives, our eternal worship, and our relationship with Him. All of these bits of understanding will attempt to make at least a modest, comprehensible image of who the God we serve truly is.
The journey continues
With that, my dear brethren, I feel inspired to start writing for the LORD and the beautiful new understanding He gives me every day. In the past, the words of this blog have touched many, and that is why I shall not start afresh. Writing is my gift, just like the many disciples, prophets, and scholars before me. It is time that my pen (and, well, keyboard) be the instruments for the LORD's glory.
I hope my testimony, life, and these words reach the people they are intended to, and inspire anyone the LORD is talking to. That alone remains my prayer every time I participate in this posture of Worship and Gratitude.
All praises be to God alone. Peace be with you!
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